First Steps / Second Time: My Old Man

Thursday, July 30, 2009

My Old Man

I have an old man. Now I know this isn’t very politically correct so I’ll clarify. I own a cranky old man trapped in the body of a very adorable, very spoiled eight year-old Cocker Spaniel. He is the definition of “high maintenance,” but he’s been my baby since he was eight weeks and six pounds. He’s journeyed 3,300 miles across the country and lived in four different cities with me. I don’t know what I would do without him. I even pay monthly for his health insurance because I just would not deal well with any accidents that I can’t pay to fix.

Luckily, when I separated from my ex, it was a given that the dog (let’s call him Quinn) would stay with me. My ex had been around since Quinn was only a year old but clearly, the old man was mine. And I felt really bad about this. I was ending my marriage, breaking my vows, and I was also taking the dog. He was Quinn’s Dad. Quinn adored him like a Dad, but divorce is ugly and I wasn’t budging on this one. Quinn even started acting out when we first separated. When we would argue, he would hide under the table and whimper. He would lounge on the furniture when we weren’t looking and then refuse to move when we were. Sometimes, when we would get in the car and leave the house, he wouldn’t even look at me. And I’m not making this up.

So when I read this article, it made me laugh out loud. A divorcing couple spends $40,000 fighting for custody of their pug. Wow. Even I don’t think I would do that. Are they doing this in the best interest of the dog? Seriously … I love my dog and do consider him part of the family but I can only hope that if my ex had fought for him, we would have been able to resolve it out of court, without forking out $20 grand each. Why I think this I have no idea, with all evidence to the contrary but when I write it down, it makes me feel better.

Beware: pet custody has become a real issue that family courts are dealing with on a regular basis and decisions are based on criteria similar to child custody considerations. I’m not sure if this is good or bad. It’s the one issue I did not have to fight over so right now I’m just happy that I’m the one Quinn wakes up with his snoring.

http://www.totaldivorce.com/blog/2009/07/30/pet-pug-costs-couple-more-than-40k/

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Beginning Again

This blog is for those of you, the many of you, who find yourselves dating -- again.

You used to date when you were younger. It was fun sometimes. Other times it sucked. You laughed a lot. You cried a bit. But eventually you found "the one" and you decided to take the plunge. Most likely, an expensive white dress was involved, rings were exchanged, tears were aplenty and you were finally husband and wife -- a "we." You said to yourself (and probably your spouse) that the absolute BEST part of being married is that you never have to date ever again!

Fast forward a few years (or maybe more if you're lucky) and now you're the opposite of "we." You used to be a "we." Most of your friends are part of a "we," but you have have recently been handed the 21st century version of the Scarlet Letter: "D." You are now the friend that's divorced.

So, what do you do? You get bored. You try a new hobby or sport. Or both. You run a marathon. You build a house for Habitat for Humanity. You watch a ridiculous number of 'Sex and the City' reruns. If you're childless, you babysit your friends' kids. And then you realize that sooner or later you are going to have to get out there again. For many, it's no big deal. For others, it's rough. And I don't think the difficulty one finds in dating after divorce is necessarily relative to the number of years you were married. I think that if it sucked before you got married, it's probably going to suck now.

You're older, more set in your ways, not willing to deal with the crap you used to be and let's face it, you've put on a few extra pounds. Perhaps you've even grown a little cynical (thanks, Blue's Traveler), but ... as everyone reminds you ... you've got to start somewhere. So you go on that blind date, join the internet dating site or call the girl in high school you never had the guts to ask out because you just found out SHE's getting divorced.

Again, you take the plunge - just a slightly different one this time. You venture out into the world of first dates in your 30s, 40s or 50s. As you have probably guessed by now, I am in this very situation and I've found it both extremely funny and extremely irritating. I'm sure there are a number of self help books to guide me through this, but a wise and wonderful friend of mine suggested I start a blog. And I listened.

I'm hoping everyone out there who has been in this situation will share their stories with me, especially the funny ones. Because if we're going to get through this, god knows we need to laugh.