Whether we like it or not, every once in a while a pop song comes along that appears to be speaking directly to us. When I was in high school, Don Henley’s End of the Innocence seemed like a somewhat cruel but appropriate joke. In college, Sarah McLachlan rocked my world with Possession and then turned it entirely upside down with Hold On after a good friend passed away unexpectedly from a rare heart virus. So imagine my surprise when my most recent epiphany occurred while driving to work and Eminen’s I’m Not Afraid got me so choked up that I immediately downloaded it to my phone, in the middle of rush hour traffic on I-95.
Pop music is, as the term indicates, popular precisely because it does affect us and luckily, sometimes makes us see things we might not otherwise recognize. For me, this song turned on the light switch and illuminated the answer I’ve been looking for for months now. As I’ve written, I can’t understand why out of all the people in the world, I am so lucky. I have trouble comprehending how to express my gratitude and still live a normal life. Somewhere down deep I know that everyone deserves the best, including me, and I’ve been given an amazing opportunity to enjoy my life and my future. But I still find it hard to accept because I could never understand how this came to be.
Then Eminem reminded me. In all likelihood, the best way to truly find the ability to accept, appreciate and absorb contentment, you have to have dug yourself out of a big, dirty hole. And keep reminding yourself how you dug yourself out. In his words, “I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one.” Ouch! You mean all that junk I went through, feeling lower than low and struggling to find the energy to do something about it was actually preparation to get to this place where I’m happy to get out of bed in the morning for no particular reason?
There was a time, not long ago, when I was pissed. Honestly I was a cluster of emotions, none of them positive—anger, fear, frustration, depression, despair, sadness—the list goes on. And the worst part was that I thought everyone else in the world was having such an easy time with this life thing. Facebook didn’t help. I would log on and see all those pictures of happy people, families, birthday parties, the first day of kindergarten. And I would be mad. Plain ole’ pissed. When I stopped for a moment, I would tell myself that the grass always looks greener, right? And you never know what path others are on, even when it appears light and easy on the surface.
I would think back to my studies of Buddhism – the teaching that the root of all suffering is our misconception that we are separate. If we believed in the interconnectedness of all living beings, we would not burden ourselves with craving and desire, or spend all our energy trying to make temporary things permanent and then rely on them to make us happy, forever. But as all good lessons go, this one is hard to swallow, and it took me a while to get it down.
Fortunately, my eyes are open now. And so is my heart. Open enough to appreciate the happiness I have found, but also appreciate the struggle it took to get me here. And know that I would not be this content, confident person who can put fear to the side and move forward despite it. Don’t get me wrong: going through a divorce, having to relearn your life, begin over – all while explaining to everyone you meet why you’re doing this, sucks. Beyond any rational explanation. But once you get through it, there are amazing things waiting for you and when you find them, they will mean so much more. Because of what you know. Because of where you’ve been. Because of the lessons you learned and the new decisions you make. Because of the new (and old) people you’ll fill your life with. Simply, because you know better.
Bad things happen to everyone. But so do good things. The cycle is infinite. And if it’s helpful to turn to pop culture to remind us, so be it. Even Cher, the pop princess of her time, took her turn at teaching the Buddhist myth of impermanence when she slapped Nick Cage in Moonstruck and yelled, “Everything’s Temporary!” As long as we believe that our suffering is temporary, which it is, we can raise the bar. Shoot the moon. Gaze at the stars and feel amazing. Thanks, Eminem.
