Yours and Mine

As I’ve mentioned, I’m pretty familiar with the dividing-of-the-stuff process that’s required with break-ups. I happen to think my ex-husband took a unique approach but then again, I’m sure everyone thinks that. What is not as fresh in my memory is the merging of the stuff. 

At the point of moving in with your significant other, you’ve already established a number of things: your side of the bed and whether or not you’re a snoozer, how long it takes you to get ready in the morning, your partner’s eating habits and what they like to watch on TV. But this all takes on new meaning when you live in a home you share, and you can’t just leave and go back to YOUR place.

How many times can you press snooze before pushing your partner over the edge? Do you leave the TV on when you go to sleep? Who gets the bathroom first in the morning? And does that person have to walk the dog as a concession? Eating habits aren't too difficult, but what about their clean-up habits? Do they leave dishes in the sink or send them straight to the dishwasher? Do they empty the dishwasher all at once or one by one?

The dividing of housework is probably most complicated. Do you go grocery shopping together? Do you cook together or switch off cooking and clean-up? Do you do your laundry together or separately? Does he or she leave the laundry in the dryer for days until you can’t stand it any longer and throw it on his or her side of the bed? Does he take out the garbage because it’s a “guy” thing, or are you forced to take it out because you can’t stand the smell? And it’s super fun when the leftovers you were about to grab for lunch on your way to work are suddenly m.i.a. You know who had a midnight snack.

The bathroom stuff is probably them most sensitive. Do you close and lock the door when you go? What if an odor lingers after your most recent trip? Do you still get embarrassed? Do you use Q-tips, or did you mom advise you against that when you were little? Do you pop your pimples or have to trim your nose hair? These are all things that come to light when you cohabitate and it ruins the romance at times, if you let it. 

I think the biggest unknown is, how often to do you have sex? Do you continue along the path you've been on? It’s a touchy subject (no pun intended) – when you start saying good-night and meaning good-night, when you go to the bedroom to go to sleep or even read. (Yikes!) You don’t have limited time together anymore so you don’t need to make the most of it. If you’re tired, you want to go to sleep. But what do they want? Are they tired too? How can you tell? Soon enough you learn to read them and they you. And soon enough, when they pass out on the couch in front of the TV, you leave them there because that means you get the whole bed to yourself for a while. 

I think Hollywood captured the moving in together ritual well in 'When Harry Met Sally' when Harry and Sally's best friends moved in together and attempted to combine their stuff, only the wagon-wheel coffee table didn't make the cut. Sometimes it's brutal, but as a woman (and a feminist I might add), I still think our taste prevails, unless the man is some sort of artist, interior designer or possibly an architect. Sorry, guys. 

This post is dedicated to a young friend who is moving in with her boyfriend this weekend. As much as I enjoy the benefits of living alone and being accountable only to the dog, there's nothing like sharing a home with a loved one and starting a new stage of life together. Just remember you're human -- there will be bumps but it's all worth it. Establishing boundaries is OK. He'll still love you even when you tell him you'll throw his towel out the window the next time he leaves it on the bathroom floor or if he insists on talking to you before 7am.  Plus, you can always gripe about it over lunch with your girl friends. Good luck! :)