First Steps / Second Time: Man Seeks Woman

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Man Seeks Woman - Man Finds Woman

Even before I was married, I noticed that there always seem to be more single women than men. (And by single, I mean non-dating or not in a relationship, not necessarily unmarried.) Time and again I've seen relationships end and before you can say "good riddance," the man immediately starts dating someone else and the woman does not. I definitely fall into this category, but I know it's not just me.

Men, no matter what their occupation, age or score on the looks scale, always seem to be able to find someone to date (or just sleep with) while us women are home pondering the reasons the relationship didn't work and wondering how we'll meet our next companion. Again, I look to my female friends. They're beautiful, smart, funny, personable, lovable people. Yet they're single and their exes are onto the next relationship in a snap. How is it so much easier for men to find women than the other way around?

I guess there are a number of possibilities. First, men are willing to settle for less. They really don't need a good figure, nice face AND brains. One or two of the above will suffice. And the figure and face can be real or fake - they don't discriminate in that area. Second, they can't be alone. Can you imagine a 38 year-old guy sitting home alone on a Friday night seriously thinking about the pros and cons of his last relationship and how he can make the next one better and last longer? Third -- and I'm making these all up as I go, of course -- third, they knew they weren't good enough for you in the first place so it's time they find someone they feel superior to. And that's certainly easier than finding an equal mate. Lastly, they think of their partner as a status symbol and they need something to illustrate where they are in the world and accompany them to whatever they do on the weekends. Guys don't just hang out, chat and enjoy each others' company the way women do. They need a buddy, hopefully one with benefits.

But this still does not answer my question -- where do they find these women? Who are these women that are so readily available? It's just something I cannot get straight in my head no matter how hard I try. Smart, quality women: single. Not-so-smart, mediocre men: dating. Baffling. So if you have any thoughts, please contribute. I'd really love to get some reason insight into this.

2 comments:

nyoshinoellisJune 28, 2009 at 10:36 PM
Tara, I have to tell you: we don't think this hard about ANYTHING.

-Ben
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Tara McDonnellJune 29, 2009 at 10:03 AM
That's because you're happily married, Mr. Yoshino - I mean Ellis. ;)
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Beginning Again

This blog is for those of you, the many of you, who find yourselves dating -- again.

You used to date when you were younger. It was fun sometimes. Other times it sucked. You laughed a lot. You cried a bit. But eventually you found "the one" and you decided to take the plunge. Most likely, an expensive white dress was involved, rings were exchanged, tears were aplenty and you were finally husband and wife -- a "we." You said to yourself (and probably your spouse) that the absolute BEST part of being married is that you never have to date ever again!

Fast forward a few years (or maybe more if you're lucky) and now you're the opposite of "we." You used to be a "we." Most of your friends are part of a "we," but you have have recently been handed the 21st century version of the Scarlet Letter: "D." You are now the friend that's divorced.

So, what do you do? You get bored. You try a new hobby or sport. Or both. You run a marathon. You build a house for Habitat for Humanity. You watch a ridiculous number of 'Sex and the City' reruns. If you're childless, you babysit your friends' kids. And then you realize that sooner or later you are going to have to get out there again. For many, it's no big deal. For others, it's rough. And I don't think the difficulty one finds in dating after divorce is necessarily relative to the number of years you were married. I think that if it sucked before you got married, it's probably going to suck now.

You're older, more set in your ways, not willing to deal with the crap you used to be and let's face it, you've put on a few extra pounds. Perhaps you've even grown a little cynical (thanks, Blue's Traveler), but ... as everyone reminds you ... you've got to start somewhere. So you go on that blind date, join the internet dating site or call the girl in high school you never had the guts to ask out because you just found out SHE's getting divorced.

Again, you take the plunge - just a slightly different one this time. You venture out into the world of first dates in your 30s, 40s or 50s. As you have probably guessed by now, I am in this very situation and I've found it both extremely funny and extremely irritating. I'm sure there are a number of self help books to guide me through this, but a wise and wonderful friend of mine suggested I start a blog. And I listened.

I'm hoping everyone out there who has been in this situation will share their stories with me, especially the funny ones. Because if we're going to get through this, god knows we need to laugh.