First Steps / Second Time: Mr. Futon

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Mr. Futon

You will soon see that I have a habit (whether good or bad) of nicknaming people. It's something I picked up at work from my colleagues who also share this talent. I find it relevant to share this fun fact because I am going to start off my 'dating after divorce' blog with Mr. Futon.

Some people have suggested to me that the grocery store is a good place to meet potential dating prospects. I tend to disagree. While I grocery shop as much as every other food-loving American, I can honestly say that I've never seen anyone in the grocery store that I might want to have a future with, but that's just me.

I have, however, been asked out after visiting a futon store. Yup. True story. While shopping for a futon mattress last summer, I met the man I have since named Mr. Futon. Mr. Futon had owned his futon store for 27 years. He was one of the original futon sellers in the county. His entire family was in the futon business. All good information to have as a customer and I left the store satisfied with my futon purchase.

While on my way back to work, Mr. Futon calls to say that "in 27 years of business" he has never done what he's about to do -- ask me out. He thinks I have a nice smile. I seem like a nice person and he wants to know if I want to meet him for a drink or dinner. Ummmm .... now since this was not exactly someone I would want to spend time with, I froze. I froze and said, "I'll think about it." He responded by saying that it was up to me. If I was interested, I could give him a call. Now, this being my first post-marriage potential date experience, I wasn't exactly sure what to do. So I did nothing. I didn't call him back and I did think much about it. But I did get a good deal on that futon.

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Beginning Again

This blog is for those of you, the many of you, who find yourselves dating -- again.

You used to date when you were younger. It was fun sometimes. Other times it sucked. You laughed a lot. You cried a bit. But eventually you found "the one" and you decided to take the plunge. Most likely, an expensive white dress was involved, rings were exchanged, tears were aplenty and you were finally husband and wife -- a "we." You said to yourself (and probably your spouse) that the absolute BEST part of being married is that you never have to date ever again!

Fast forward a few years (or maybe more if you're lucky) and now you're the opposite of "we." You used to be a "we." Most of your friends are part of a "we," but you have have recently been handed the 21st century version of the Scarlet Letter: "D." You are now the friend that's divorced.

So, what do you do? You get bored. You try a new hobby or sport. Or both. You run a marathon. You build a house for Habitat for Humanity. You watch a ridiculous number of 'Sex and the City' reruns. If you're childless, you babysit your friends' kids. And then you realize that sooner or later you are going to have to get out there again. For many, it's no big deal. For others, it's rough. And I don't think the difficulty one finds in dating after divorce is necessarily relative to the number of years you were married. I think that if it sucked before you got married, it's probably going to suck now.

You're older, more set in your ways, not willing to deal with the crap you used to be and let's face it, you've put on a few extra pounds. Perhaps you've even grown a little cynical (thanks, Blue's Traveler), but ... as everyone reminds you ... you've got to start somewhere. So you go on that blind date, join the internet dating site or call the girl in high school you never had the guts to ask out because you just found out SHE's getting divorced.

Again, you take the plunge - just a slightly different one this time. You venture out into the world of first dates in your 30s, 40s or 50s. As you have probably guessed by now, I am in this very situation and I've found it both extremely funny and extremely irritating. I'm sure there are a number of self help books to guide me through this, but a wise and wonderful friend of mine suggested I start a blog. And I listened.

I'm hoping everyone out there who has been in this situation will share their stories with me, especially the funny ones. Because if we're going to get through this, god knows we need to laugh.