First Steps / Second Time: Dating School Dropout

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dating School Dropout

A while back, I was driving to a friend’s house when I looked up to see a Walgreen’s on the corner with a sign reading, “shingles vaccine.” At first glance, I thought it said, “singles vaccine” and I honestly thought, they have a vaccine for that? No, they haven’t developed one yet but I wouldn’t find it hard to believe we’re close.

If you look up ‘divorce’ on amazon, you’ll find 272,074 results. That's 272,074 books published on this very subject – everything from funny books and memoirs to study guides. Yes, study guides (not sure if there are take-home tests, too). The titles tell most of the story: Congratulations on Your Divorce, 101 Things to do the First Year You Get Divorced. For my anally retentive comrades, you can purchase The Divorce Organizer and Planner and of course, Divorce for Dummies. And once you get through this library of how-to books and study guides, you’re ready to get back in the dating pool.

Fret not, because there are just as many resources for the single portion of your life, if not more. Foremost, online dating has come a long way. Online sites are now available for absolutely every interest you could possibly have. There are sites that cater to particular religions, sports, hobbies; ones for divorcées, stepparents and those looking for millionaire matches.

But this is merely child’s play. Anyone out there looking for a potential mate can try speed dating, hurry dating (no, they’re not the same thing), dating via Facebook and/or Twitter, even mobile dating. If this is not sufficient, you can utilize the services of matchmakers or dating coaches, or you can go back to school. You can attend a dating school, an actual classroom setting to help you and your minus-one classmates figure out what you’re doing wrong and how to fix it to find the love of your life.

Now I am a hopeless romantic, truly. Every movie I own is a love story. I get upset just thinking about ‘The English Patient’ and I can proudly recite at least three Shakespears sonnets by heart, but I have a hard time with this. Are we seriously that busy, and lonely, that we need to get alerts on our cell phone to let us know there’s someone in the area that we might be compatible with, and then go to night school to learn how to not make them run in the opposite direction? Jeez.

I’m a little speechless and apparently, more than a little old fashioned. I tried the online dating thing for the free three-month trial period and came up with nada. These classes are probably more helpful. I'm sure they have good information to share. They teach you to be true to yourself so you’ll find someone who is actually a good match. This makes sense, but … ugh. Oh, who knows? Maybe if I signed up for a class I wouldn’t be sitting at my computer alone right now. But that’s ok – I’ve done enough oral presentations in my time and I don’t want any more student loans.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Beginning Again

This blog is for those of you, the many of you, who find yourselves dating -- again.

You used to date when you were younger. It was fun sometimes. Other times it sucked. You laughed a lot. You cried a bit. But eventually you found "the one" and you decided to take the plunge. Most likely, an expensive white dress was involved, rings were exchanged, tears were aplenty and you were finally husband and wife -- a "we." You said to yourself (and probably your spouse) that the absolute BEST part of being married is that you never have to date ever again!

Fast forward a few years (or maybe more if you're lucky) and now you're the opposite of "we." You used to be a "we." Most of your friends are part of a "we," but you have have recently been handed the 21st century version of the Scarlet Letter: "D." You are now the friend that's divorced.

So, what do you do? You get bored. You try a new hobby or sport. Or both. You run a marathon. You build a house for Habitat for Humanity. You watch a ridiculous number of 'Sex and the City' reruns. If you're childless, you babysit your friends' kids. And then you realize that sooner or later you are going to have to get out there again. For many, it's no big deal. For others, it's rough. And I don't think the difficulty one finds in dating after divorce is necessarily relative to the number of years you were married. I think that if it sucked before you got married, it's probably going to suck now.

You're older, more set in your ways, not willing to deal with the crap you used to be and let's face it, you've put on a few extra pounds. Perhaps you've even grown a little cynical (thanks, Blue's Traveler), but ... as everyone reminds you ... you've got to start somewhere. So you go on that blind date, join the internet dating site or call the girl in high school you never had the guts to ask out because you just found out SHE's getting divorced.

Again, you take the plunge - just a slightly different one this time. You venture out into the world of first dates in your 30s, 40s or 50s. As you have probably guessed by now, I am in this very situation and I've found it both extremely funny and extremely irritating. I'm sure there are a number of self help books to guide me through this, but a wise and wonderful friend of mine suggested I start a blog. And I listened.

I'm hoping everyone out there who has been in this situation will share their stories with me, especially the funny ones. Because if we're going to get through this, god knows we need to laugh.