Sunday, December 6, 2009
Party Lines
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Learning Patience
I had no idea it would be so hard to get divorced. I’m not totally clueless; I knew it would be an emotional roller coaster. I knew it would be a bummer for my bank account. But I didn’t realize it would be quite this difficult to get our signatures on the dotted line and join the more than 50% of Americans who check the 'divorced' box.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Dating School Dropout
A while back, I was driving to a friend’s house when I looked up to see a Walgreen’s on the corner with a sign reading, “shingles vaccine.” At first glance, I thought it said, “singles vaccine” and I honestly thought, they have a vaccine for that? No, they haven’t developed one yet but I wouldn’t find it hard to believe we’re close.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Baby Steps
I recently received notice from my condo association that I am not permitted to renew my lease next February because I have a dog who has been living here “illegally.” I obviously knew this was a possibility, but I also thought I might be able to slip by. My landlord doesn’t care about the dog. It’s only the condo commandoes, and there are a million other dogs in the development. I pay my not cheap rent on time every month, so why would anyone care? No such luck.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Divorce Interrupted
For those of you who have read Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love,” you will understand what I’m about to do. For those of you that haven’t, you’ll probably think I’m slightly off my rocker. Either way, I’m getting a little desperate here and if I learned anything from reading Gilbert’s unique memoir of life after divorce, it’s that you need to do whatever makes you happy, even if society at large looks at you a little funny.
Your wife here. Yes, I am your wife. We have been married for almost 4 years. Hard to believe. Then again, even harder to believe is that although we don’t want to be married, here we are living in a state of marital interruption. It’s been 23 months since we separated. 23 months that we’ve been communicating through attorneys. 23 months and we have still not managed to reach an agreement. To use one of your favorite words, this is simply ridiculous, mainly because we were together as husband and wife for 23 months. Do you see a problem here? I do.
I want to move on with my life. I want to be able to go out on a date and not have to explain why I’m still married. I want to stop answering the questions, “aren’t you divorced yet?” “What’s taking so long?” I want to stop telling people that I have done everything they’re suggesting. I’m working with my second attorney and about to hire my third. But whatever I do, it’s just not helping because you refuse to cooperate.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A Dog and A Yard
Dating after divorce can be scary. Maybe “scary” is a little strong, but in order to get to know someone, you obviously have to reveal things about yourself. This can be very intimidating. Admit it: this is why you were happy being a married person who would never have to date again.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Divide and Conquer
I’ve already discussed how much fun it can be to divide your marital belongings after or during a divorce, but the subject came up again the other night and it reminded me of the silliness of it all.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
My Old Man
I have an old man. Now I know this isn’t very politically correct so I’ll clarify. I own a cranky old man trapped in the body of a very adorable, very spoiled eight year-old Cocker Spaniel. He is the definition of “high maintenance,” but he’s been my baby since he was eight weeks and six pounds. He’s journeyed 3,300 miles across the country and lived in four different cities with me. I don’t know what I would do without him. I even pay monthly for his health insurance because I just would not deal well with any accidents that I can’t pay to fix.
http://www.totaldivorce.com/blog/2009/07/30/pet-pug-costs-couple-more-than-40k/
Recession Roomies
One of the newest trends the recession has created, or at least the most fascinating to me, is the movement toward separated couples staying together simply because they can’t afford to divorce. Not only is it “cheaper to keep her.” Apparently it’s cheaper to keep him as well.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Reason to Chill
More encouraging news on divorce released today. A recent University of Chicago study has revealed that people who have been divorced have a 12% higher rate of poor health and chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer, compared to our married counterparts. It goes on to explain the additional possibility of mobility limitations, etc. and basically just makes me want to scream.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Think Again
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Dress Me Up
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Jamming Down the Aisle
A new take on walking down the aisle that I just couldn't resist sharing. http://www.breakupgirl.net/?p=2021
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The Question of Cohabitation
In the past week, I have come across a bunch of articles commenting on the recent study that claims couple who live together before marriage are more likely to end up in divorce and I just can't get this one straight in my head. I just can't imagine entering into a lifelong commitment with someone and not knowing all of the good, bad, AND the ugly. I mean, no matter how bad that one particular habit might be, at least you know about it before you say "I do." At least you've accepted it, if only on a subconscious level.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Flying Solo
Each Sisterhood is dedicated to a different stage of your life: new motherhood, beginning your career, getting married, being a caregiver for your aging parents or the one I gravitated to: Flying Solo. As it implies, Flying Solo is all about … Flying Solo. Now that I’ve written my first blog for the Flying Solo Sisterhood, I thought I’d share it with you.
When most women think of Flying Solo, I think what comes to mind are images of fear and loneliness, but as a divorcé in waiting, I’m finding it fabulous! Don’t get me wrong – the divorce process is a nightmare that I would never wish on another human being (except, of course, my in-laws), but being on your own again can be so rewarding.
After I separated from my husband and got my own place, all by myself, just me and the dog, it was glorious. The condo had some serious issues like a washing machine that didn’t work and a tile countertop from the early 80s, but I didn’t care. And I still don’t. I reveled in every second of unpacking my stuff and deciding willy-nilly where to put it. I have the entire medicine cabinet to myself. I keep the a/c at the temperature I like. I don’t have to clean up anyone’s dishes and I don’t have to be awakened by loud farts in the middle of the night.
I’m taking the time to enjoy these little things because that’s where my life is right now and having the freedom to make such little decisions can really be liberating. I don’t have to feel bad about wanting to watch chick flicks anymore. In fact, I invite the chicks over because my place is the perfect girls night spot. Sometimes it’s hard to get used to living without your “plus one,” but there are many positives to flying solo. Now if the dog would only stop hogging the bed …
Check it out at http://www.janenation.com/
Monday, July 20, 2009
Dating Mistakes
http://romance.exofire.net/dating-after-divorce-are-you-making-a-big-dating-mistake-that-stops-you-from-loving-again/
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Power of One
Today is one of those days. It’s one of those days when I feel completely powerless. One short email from the divorce attorney du jour can set me back just when I thought I was headed in the right direction. But this feeling is one of those things you need to learn to live with when you’re going through a divorce. In my experience, it’s unusual for you to be able to control any part of the process. Your ex has control over some things; your lawyers have even more control and a random judge in the family court system of Orange County, Florida just might control your fate.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
V.P. of Standards
Everyone has their standards. Everyone on this earth sees things from a different perspective and judges the things that are important to them differently. I find this extremely interesting when it comes to dating because everyone’s idea of the ideal mate is so, well, different. So often I’ve worked with someone for months (or years) and gotten to know them before I meet their partner and then … I’m shocked! Either they go together really well and I just wouldn’t have predicted it or they don’t go together at all but you don’t know how to tell them (what do you know, anyway?). This, apparently, was the situation with my ex but people didn’t exactly have a problem telling me. The problem was that I didn’t listen.
All Aboard
I find it both incredibly awful and wonderfully comforting that a number of my friends are also going through divorce hell right now. I cannot figure out how or why so many of these smart, good-looking, funny, wonderful women are all in the same boat, but at least we have each other to lean on.