First Steps / Second Time: Dress Me Up

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Dress Me Up

Since I haven’t been out on too many first dates recently, I am somewhat clueless about what to wear. Apparently every single woman should have that “fabulous pair of jeans,” but I’m pretty sure I don’t. Should I head to the mall? I live in South Florida so dresses are always an easy and semi-cool option. Is that too dressy? I guess it depends on the date, but is there a general rule I should refer to?

As expected, there seems to be some debate on how revealing your first date outfit should be. Some advise toward doing everything you can to make the man drool in longing …. But I’m just not into that. I tend to lean toward conservative when it comes to dress (ok I’m really way conservative but I’m trying to work on that), so that rules out any micro-minis with revealing cleavage. And I do honestly feel that I shouldn’t need to broadcast my potential sexiness on a first date, but I can be seriously behind the times, even though I’m only 34. (Yes, I have been told over and over that I’m a young person in a way older person’s body. I believe the number 60 was mentioned. Fine.)

If there’s a safe-for-all-occasions first day outfit, I’m determined to find it. Is it out there? Doubtful, but worth a look anyway.

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Beginning Again

This blog is for those of you, the many of you, who find yourselves dating -- again.

You used to date when you were younger. It was fun sometimes. Other times it sucked. You laughed a lot. You cried a bit. But eventually you found "the one" and you decided to take the plunge. Most likely, an expensive white dress was involved, rings were exchanged, tears were aplenty and you were finally husband and wife -- a "we." You said to yourself (and probably your spouse) that the absolute BEST part of being married is that you never have to date ever again!

Fast forward a few years (or maybe more if you're lucky) and now you're the opposite of "we." You used to be a "we." Most of your friends are part of a "we," but you have have recently been handed the 21st century version of the Scarlet Letter: "D." You are now the friend that's divorced.

So, what do you do? You get bored. You try a new hobby or sport. Or both. You run a marathon. You build a house for Habitat for Humanity. You watch a ridiculous number of 'Sex and the City' reruns. If you're childless, you babysit your friends' kids. And then you realize that sooner or later you are going to have to get out there again. For many, it's no big deal. For others, it's rough. And I don't think the difficulty one finds in dating after divorce is necessarily relative to the number of years you were married. I think that if it sucked before you got married, it's probably going to suck now.

You're older, more set in your ways, not willing to deal with the crap you used to be and let's face it, you've put on a few extra pounds. Perhaps you've even grown a little cynical (thanks, Blue's Traveler), but ... as everyone reminds you ... you've got to start somewhere. So you go on that blind date, join the internet dating site or call the girl in high school you never had the guts to ask out because you just found out SHE's getting divorced.

Again, you take the plunge - just a slightly different one this time. You venture out into the world of first dates in your 30s, 40s or 50s. As you have probably guessed by now, I am in this very situation and I've found it both extremely funny and extremely irritating. I'm sure there are a number of self help books to guide me through this, but a wise and wonderful friend of mine suggested I start a blog. And I listened.

I'm hoping everyone out there who has been in this situation will share their stories with me, especially the funny ones. Because if we're going to get through this, god knows we need to laugh.