Back to my favorite Sunday night activity – going over the past week in my head and reminding myself of the things I’m thankful for, to get ready and grounded for the coming week. Sometimes I write down my thoughts and over the past year, those thoughts have turned into this blog. But things have taken a new turn recently because I’m not exactly sure what a women who writes about the trials and tribulations of post-divorce dating does when she enters a relationship that just might last. Thus, please see below.
Relationships, for me, have always brought up a fair amount of questions. Everything’s new and questions come up, like whether he’ll be a good kisser or whether you’ll fit in with his friends and family. Little questions come up, too, like if he snores or takes half and half in his coffee. This newness can be exhilarating and exhausting. For the most part, excitement wins out and the learning portion of the process is more fun than any learning you’ve done before.
The questions arising from my current relationship, however, are a bit puzzling. I’ve found myself in a place I’ve never been before. Sometimes I think it’s great. Other times I think it's just too good to be true and all this goodness will come to an abrupt end at any moment. For the first time in my life, I’m in a relationship and not wondering where it’s going. I don’t have a destination or even a journey in mind. This is such a new situation that I’m afraid I might be in denial. I’ve always tried to imagine the future, whatever it may be. I’m usually planning the future before the present has had a chance to breathe. I'm used to it, comfortable with it; it’s my m.o. So how, how did I get here? And more importantly, how do I stay here?
Friends of mine have given me two 'Native American' names. One I share freely, Quick-to-Mimic, because I can imitate with the best of them: accents, dance moves, you name it, even Steven Tyler (yes, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler). The other I’m not so generous with: Quick-to-Judge. Ok, I guess I have a tendency to make quick judgments of others … it may be a fault but I'm usually right.
Just saying.
So what does Quick-to-Judge do when all of the things that usually bother me suddenly don't? Could I have really become the truly open-minded person I’ve endeavored to be? As I read back on my past blog about standards and not compromising them, I have to laugh out loud. This guy has honestly violated almost every single one of them:
Flip-flops. Yup.
Sunday football. Yup.
Baseball caps. Yup.
Home fixer. You guessed it … yup.
Republican. Double yup.
But I don’t mind. Not a wee bit. We joke that we have nearly nothing in common but it hasn’t seemed to stunt our relationship growth. Is the fact that he’s a genuinely good person who thinks I’m a genuinely good person enough? After all, that’s why my wonderful friend set us up – two good people have to be good for each other, right?
Is it enough that we can laugh at our situation because we both have a good sense of humor? The fact that we’re both die-hard Law & Order fans helps. We both love Clint Eastwood. And ice cream – mint chocolate chip to be precise. He likes good beer, which is important. And we can’t get enough of each other. It’s inexplicable. And it’s the first time that I’m ok with not being able to research, fact-find, explain, write about and present something that I feel strongly about. My thesis on our relationship would be fatally flawed.
But most amazing of all, there are questions that come up that I can put aside for the time being and not ask. Excuse me? you say. Indeed -- big questions that I don’t need to know the answers to right now because there is something to be said for just being happy and enjoying the moment. Imagine that. Does he ever want to get married? Don’t know. Does he want more children, or is he willing to consider it? Not a clue. Does he want to be in south Florida for the rest of his life? I couldn’t say. When/how will I meet his children? Not sure.
So what does an over analyzer do when there’s nothing to overanalyze? Take a break. Go for a walk. Give the dog a bath. Enjoy the fact that when you’re in a healthy relationship with someone who thinks as much of you as you of them, music sounds better. Books read better. Poetry seems more poetic. And you’re less quick to judge.
No comments:
Post a Comment