First Steps / Second Time: The dreaded first call

Friday, April 17, 2009

The dreaded first call

I have been communicating with someone online, my first in the online dating world. We've chatted back and forth and bit and seemed to be getting along fine when he suggested we talk on the phone. Makes sense. Except that now I don't really want to talk to him. Seeing his picture and reading his emails was good enough.

But I mustered up the courage to call last night and fortunately got his voicemail. UNfortunately, it was a prerecorded message, not his voice. No scoops there. He called me back around 9:45, but I didn't pick up the phone. I ignored his call for two reasons. (1) because I was too big of a chicken (2) because it was almost 10 o'clock at night and the last thing I want to do before bed is get nervous and/or tense (neurosis, clearly). So he emailed me to say he'd REALLY like to talk to me ... could we chat during the day, maybe during lunch?

This irritated me (yes, I am easily irritated) for 2 reasons. (1) Ummmm ... - I have a job and do not wish to slack off during the day to talk to some guy that I MIGHT be interested in for the FIRST time. Duh. (2) I know I'm "perfection on a stick" (as one of my favorite people in the world recently told me), but HE doesn't know that. So what the hell is the rush? I mean, we met through a site called eharmony for christ's sake. I don't think there's a big hurry. Lucky for him, I'm not going anywhere.

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Beginning Again

This blog is for those of you, the many of you, who find yourselves dating -- again.

You used to date when you were younger. It was fun sometimes. Other times it sucked. You laughed a lot. You cried a bit. But eventually you found "the one" and you decided to take the plunge. Most likely, an expensive white dress was involved, rings were exchanged, tears were aplenty and you were finally husband and wife -- a "we." You said to yourself (and probably your spouse) that the absolute BEST part of being married is that you never have to date ever again!

Fast forward a few years (or maybe more if you're lucky) and now you're the opposite of "we." You used to be a "we." Most of your friends are part of a "we," but you have have recently been handed the 21st century version of the Scarlet Letter: "D." You are now the friend that's divorced.

So, what do you do? You get bored. You try a new hobby or sport. Or both. You run a marathon. You build a house for Habitat for Humanity. You watch a ridiculous number of 'Sex and the City' reruns. If you're childless, you babysit your friends' kids. And then you realize that sooner or later you are going to have to get out there again. For many, it's no big deal. For others, it's rough. And I don't think the difficulty one finds in dating after divorce is necessarily relative to the number of years you were married. I think that if it sucked before you got married, it's probably going to suck now.

You're older, more set in your ways, not willing to deal with the crap you used to be and let's face it, you've put on a few extra pounds. Perhaps you've even grown a little cynical (thanks, Blue's Traveler), but ... as everyone reminds you ... you've got to start somewhere. So you go on that blind date, join the internet dating site or call the girl in high school you never had the guts to ask out because you just found out SHE's getting divorced.

Again, you take the plunge - just a slightly different one this time. You venture out into the world of first dates in your 30s, 40s or 50s. As you have probably guessed by now, I am in this very situation and I've found it both extremely funny and extremely irritating. I'm sure there are a number of self help books to guide me through this, but a wise and wonderful friend of mine suggested I start a blog. And I listened.

I'm hoping everyone out there who has been in this situation will share their stories with me, especially the funny ones. Because if we're going to get through this, god knows we need to laugh.