The biggest Hallmark holiday of the year is just around the corner. Traditionally I’ve lamented Valentine’s Day, like every other self-respecting woman in America, and gagged at each and every Jared and Kay Jewelers commercial. I'd roll my eyes as bouquets of red roses were carried down the office hallway and steer clear of restaurants, movie theaters and parks. Even when I was married or in the beginning stages of relationship bliss, I still didn’t get the hype. No matter what you’re partner/husband/boyfriend gets you, it’s never the right thing. So why bother? It’s just another opportunity for you to compare yourself to everyone else.
So why, in February of 2010, do I feel differently? I think I can explain it in one concise, meaningful, yet incredibly overused word: love. I have fallen in love with such a worthy man who, astoundingly, is convinced that I am just as worthy of him. In fact, I’ve fallen so deeply that I am actually (dare I say it???) looking forward to Valentine’s Day for the first time since high school. I’m looking forward to it and planning - thinking about baking for my sweetie, a heart-shaped cake with fun red decorations to sprinkle on top, following the fondue course, of course.
But allowing yourself to fall in love is tricky, especially following a divorce. In my case, I don’t think it was avoidable. I was confused at first but signs were everywhere. Soon enough I found that my old self was occupying my body again, the self I had temporarily misplaced during the rough years of my marriage and the following years of divorce. Without paying attention, I realized I was goofy again, laughing a lot, mostly at myself. The true flashing neon sign, however, was that I was back to singing show tunes in the office. This may sound odd to most but when I start singing show tunes at 3:30pm (for some it’s considered nap time, for me it’s the time of delirium), I’m back. I do not credit falling in love with bringing my old self back, but I do believe it had something to do with the fact that I was able to recognize me again, and appreciate me.
Last week, the Today show interviewed Lori Gottlieb on her new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. When I first heard the title, I wasn’t pleased, but after listening to her theories, I smiled. I smiled inside and out because I realized, without knowing it, that I had already taken her advice. She advises single women to revisit their “standards,” focus on the things that really matter and forget about the silly stuff. She warns that women are being too critical and in the process are missing out on the men that could be the perfect partner, even if they’re not the perfect man.
I refer, once again, to my July post about my own “standards” and how I refused to adjust them. By this I was referring to a guy’s appearance, his style, and whether or not he spends his Sundays on the couch watching football. At the time, I was very rigid in my vision of who I saw myself with and gosh darn it – I wasn’t going to settle! So I guess it’s entirely possible that during the next three months, someone gave me a shot of reality and in turn, gave me a shot at happiness. I found myself on a date with a man who, on the surface, didn’t live up to these standards. But I went on a second date which turned into a third and eventually turned into me singing show tunes again.
I still ask myself why I kept dating a man who loves football, wears flip-flops AND baseball caps. Because … eh-hem … those things don’t matter. How did I look past the superficial nonsense to get to the stuff that really does matter? I don’t know. I probably never will. But the important thing is that I did. I looked past the flip-flops and saw into the heart of an amazing man who has ignited something in me that has given me the capacity feel on a different level. A man who has given me hope that good things do happen to good people. So as this pseudo holiday approaches, I’ve had to face the facts – I’ve got the bug. And I’m loving every minute of it.
